From negotiating a 30-day trial to sharing heartfelt talks, strategies abound— and there are ways to help make it happen! Here, we offer a few ideas and some real-life stories on how you plant based believers can help your partners change their diets for the better (which makes it easier on you too!)
As the world continues to improve its view of plant-only diets, many people find the biggest hurdle to plant based health not in finding tasty and satisfying food, but in getting their partners to join them.
Opposing meals within the same household can work, but it can also be draining—physically, financially, and emotionally. It’s especially difficult to watch the one you love make poor food choices that may affect long-term health.
What people choose to eat is ultimately their choice, and as with anything in life, people will only make real change when it comes from within. However, exposing your partner to the right experiences and information can be a good influence and can pave the way to a decision that a healthy plant-based vegan diet is in each person’s own best interest.
As you reflect on your own strategies, the following stories of adaptation and partner support are great ones to consider weaving into your own family’s relationship with food.
Drive inspiration for both of you by being a good role model. A healthy diet is a journey that you can take together.
Sometimes, sharing the emotional struggle can inspire change. It can be difficult to navigate relationships in which there is a disconnect in moral and health-related values and major diet differences. So, it’s important to gently help your partner understand your deepest feeling about your food choices.
Janne Swearengen (the Elf in the Kitchen, and a cancer survivor) says that initially she would compromise her ethics and prepare eggs for her husband (who was not on-board with an all-plant diet), while she prepared a second meal for herself.
As time passed, though, it became clear to him that cooking animals and animal products made her uneasy, and he empathized. First, he agreed to eat animal products only outside the home, but through small steps over time, he transitioned to a full plant-based diet.
Be understanding, flexible and work as a team. Let your own reasons show.
It's a journey of love and good health. . . enjoy it!
When Geoff Alexander (a musician, piano tuner, and fitness equipment technician) watched the “Forks over Knives” documentary, he began an internal conversation regarding the removal of carcinogenic foods from his diet. He wanted to develop the healthiest body possible, and also to resolve the moral issues around eating animals and supporting the farming practices they endure.
Geoff’s wife Laura came from a Newfoundland upbringing featuring heavy meat and dairy traditions, and although she understood the reasons Geoff wanted change in their diet, it was difficult for her to make the leap from her ingrained habits.
Geoff waited for Laura until his wife was ready to start a new way of eating. Time passed, but after small nudges and watching “Gamechangers” together, Laura decided she was ready, and they embarked on the journey together.
Share your feelings and ask for change for the right reasons.
Life is emotional, life is love.
Art and Lori Jensen are retired, and full-time RV adventurers. When Art came home from a doctor’s appointment with a high blood pressure prescription, Lori begged him with tears in her eyes to give a whole-food, plant-based diet a chance before taking pills.
She said, “The plant-based diet is a cure, while the medication just masks the symptoms. It does not fix the problem. You are my life partner, I love you more than anything, and I want you to be around for as long as I am. Please just try it for 30 days.”
Art agreed to the 30-day challenge, and soon saw results, so they had proof that it was the way to go. Art says his biggest issue with a WFPB diet was his own ignorance.
“So many years of advertising pushing the idea that meat and dairy were not only doing a body good, but there were no alternatives. I had no idea that there was another, healthier way of eating. If only people understood that the best life is there for them if they would only try. Change is difficult, but worth it. We are programmed to expect a quick and easy solution, and unfortunately a lot of doctors are willing to play that game with lots of prescriptions.”
Turn your quest for health into a couples’ project, and don’t give up.
There are hills and valleys to any endeavor, and changing eating patterns and choices is no different.
Geoff says that taking small steps in the right direction together is the key. “Research the science of food, talk to people, get comfortable with the idea together. When you are both ready, make it a ‘couples’ journey.’ This way, you can encourage and support each other at the same time, and all the way through, staying on the same level.”
For Lori and Art, the new plant based diet they were working toward was a struggle once they retired and hit the road with their RV.
“There were so many great restaurants and breweries to try on the road. Meanwhile my hip gave me great pain, and often prevented me from walking. With our floundering habits, Art’s blood pressure readings were lackluster.”
They knew they had to get serious.
In June of 2019, they made a commitment to themselves and to each other: they would eat only plant based whole foods, with no oil, no alcohol, and for Art, no salt. They enlisted the experts in book and documentary form: How Not to Die, a book by Michael Gregor, MD; and the doc-umentaries “Forks over Knives” and “Gamechangers.”
Art says, ‘The research you do to truly understand the science is what will ultimately create your buy-in.’
They now live a different life because of this commitment. Through weight loss and general better health, Lori’s hip problems are almost completely forgotten, and Art is an avid mountain and road bicyclist. His blood pressure is now 127/73, a drop of 59 total points.
Consider it an education, for yourself, for your world.
There are social challenges to plant based eating.
It’s real that folks will fear and not always understand your choices. In their minds, there would be nothing to eat that they would enjoy if they were eating only plants; they dread losing the comfort that their habitual diet gives them.
They have no idea until someone shows them that plant based eating is one of the most delicious diets a human can eat. Health, vitality, and cutting doctor’s visits is just the ‘gravy.’
Janne says, “It’s a matter of telling folks, ‘Look, it’s not about what you can’t have, it’s what you can and how good it can be!’”
When Lori and Art meet folks during their travels, their plant based diet is always a topic of conversation. “What can you eat?” and “How can you go without meat and cheese?” are the standard questions they hear.
Lori says, “We love it, because this is our opportunity to strengthen our own resolve, and help other folks along the way. We embarked on a whole new approach to food. For us, instead of replicating our old favorite dishes, we try new recipes that feature wonderful fresh vegetables, fruits, and grains. I am always looking at recipes and trying new dishes.”
Embrace long-term goals together.
We are in this for us, so let’s make it the best it can be.
Lori says, “Art and I have a shared goal: To live a long time together and be healthy. We didn’t find each other until our early 40s and we want to celebrate 50 years of marriage—with energy and clear minds to enjoy those years. How can you go wrong by eating flavorful food, until you are full, which gives you plenty of energy and cuts out any need for meds and procedures that will ultimately cut your life short?
Art says “With my wife’s unwavering patience and understanding in knowing how hard this would be for someone like me, she helped motivate me into doing my own research, and ultimately discovery. Thank you, Lori.”
The best approach to helping people make the adjustment is to intrigue rather than pressure. Be patient and positive. If you can pique their interest in a natural way, your influence will be better received.
Here are some suggestions. . .
- From lasagna to BBQ to chocolate ice cream, you can make any dish deliciously vegan. Hunt down recipes together online, making it a fun challenge to find a type of food or dish that you can’t make plant based. These days, it’s almost impossible! There are vegan replacements for almost all foods. There are also dozens of professionally produced YouTube videos, created by vegan chefs who inspire.
- Try one vegan meal at a time to mix into your loved one’s diet. Start slow at first, and increase the frequency as your partner becomes more comfortable and starts feeling the benefits of plant based eating.
- If your partner is a sports or fitness fan, find information on vegan athletes that your partner would relate to and find inspiring.
- Take your partner to a vegan restaurant.
- Dispel the common myths about veganism: the myth of the need for animal-based protein, the myth of the need for dairy-based calcium, etc. These are easily overcome with internet research, or by watching informative documentaries.
- If your partner has health issues, show the data on how a plant based diet can help that condition.
- If your partner struggles with body weight, show information on how a vegan diet can help with weight goals, since most vegans achieve a healthy BMI.
- If your partner is socially or environmentally conscious, make the case for the positive effects eating vegan has on the environment, on conditions for animals, and on hunger around the world.
- Be patient and positive. Be a magnet for improvement, not a pusher. Keep it positive and share perspectives that can be applied to your partner’s personal goals.
- Cook vegan meals together.
Interview by Janice Williams
Janice Williams is a passionate plant based home chef and ardent animal advocate. She worked as a wildlife educator in the Northwest for 12 years, and now volunteers as a wildlife rescuer for Wolf Hollow wildlife rehabilitation center. She is a writer and artist, and lives with her husband on Orcas Island, Washington.
